Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
