like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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