it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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