knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
