did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
