I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
