i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
