I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
