I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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