i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
