He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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