Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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