As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
