why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
