im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
