Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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