actually, I'm a sock model
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
