question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
