I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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