the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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