you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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