My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
