On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
