I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
