I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
