You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were trust falling into bushes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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