Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
