I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
