margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
