Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
