I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
