It's just like the Real World with babies
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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