My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
