I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
