you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize