when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
