wakey wakey hands off snakey
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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