i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
