I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
