So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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