every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't turn off my feet"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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