Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
