I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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