We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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