this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
