It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
