My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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