Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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