is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
