she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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