I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
