At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize