I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
