I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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