dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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