Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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