Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
