i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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