hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
