Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
