Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize