I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
