I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
