So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
