ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
