I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it because I queefed?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
