ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
