Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
