I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize