rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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