I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
