he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
