I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
