How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
